Soon, I will try something different and engaging here, so stand by; now, thought, it is late and I am tired.

I will be sending, within the next few days, an application for special consideration* to King's for the Foundation Year Program. I've talked to their registrar, and they suggested I attach a cover letter, a full transcript, my psycho-educational assessment, reference letters from teachers, and a writing sample.

I've made progress with most of those, but I'm still kind of stumped about the writing sample. Because of time management and neurotic self-criticism, this becomes a really tough decision. I can't think of any academic essay I've written that I'm at all proud of; I might be able to tighten up a creative piece I've done at school; or I could take personal writing from this 'blog (or elsewhere). Some combination might work, but I also don't want to overwhelm them.

Do you, my readership**, have any suggestions for writing I could send them that would reflect well on me as a potential student in their program? I'm determined*** to get in; as far as I know, this is the nearest thing to my ideal program. I can send you a copy of any of the non-blog work I mentioned, but it's likely all stuff I've sent to all of you already to beg for peer-editing.

I also need to put together a cover letter, and I'm thinking a table of contents and a cover(explanation)**** for each section within might not be out of line. Seal it up all nice-like, put it in a fancy binder/folder/duotang, FedEx it for Monday, settle in for a painful wait.

So, to sum it up, I want you (yes, you) to help me get into the perfect university program. I want you to do this by thinking of something I've written decently enough to reflect decently upon me. If your collective intellect***** comes up with any other strategies to get me in, I want to hear about them.

While I've decided that that last paragraph sounds far too demanding, I've also decided it won't really affect your decision to help or not, and it reads decently.

Please,
Anonymous.

*because, due to the gifted-learning disabled-ADHD triple crown and personal things, my "marks do not reflect [my] academic potential".

**(reader)

***(desperate?)

****apology

*****can one person have a collective intellect?

I'm at school, either literally inside a classroom or working on OPRO, for roughly fourteen hours a weekday, or seventy-eight hours a week. This doesn't surprise most of you, but it means that I literally have not done anything outside of school, including further university applications. It's interesting.

- - -

Picture Jeffree Star googling his own name, as he is wont to do.
Picture Jeffree Star's eyes lighting up as they see the number of hits.
Picture Jeffree Star reeling under waves of shock, disbelief, and anger.
Picture Jeffree Star convincing himself that they are talking about someone else.

Picture Jeffree Star, drunk and alone at two o'clock in the morning, closing his drapes and dressing up as a man.

Picture Jeffree Star cutting and pasting in MSpaint at 3:30 in the morning.

Picture Jeffree Star calling around on a Friday night with growing desperation, his brow furrowing as it becomes clear he will once again spend the night at home alone with a congealing pot of Mr. Noodles.

Picture Jeffree star becoming unduly frustrated as he fails to find the television remote, when in fact the source of his frustration is his growing need for a piss and a shower.

Picture Jeffree Star's sentences growing increasingly and obnoxiously long and circuitous, despite - as others may readily attest - the undeniable lack of a resultant increase in quality or other subjective merits.

- - -

Got to put together my spesh-con-app for King's. I've been trying to get up early to do this for several days. It looks like I'm failing to do so again today.

Make the most powerful sock puppet in the world. Put it on your right hand. Congratulations! You are Dick Cheney!

You recently shot this man:






Reports suggest that, in fact, you were attempting to shoot this man:







This man was completely unharmed:

One might have thought that somewhere like Sudbury would have had snow-clearing capacity sufficient to get me out of their God-forsaken city.

One would have thought wrong.

The next midsized thing:

Disobedience, Civil (imaginary)

or, in other words,

Shit Disturbance

in a silly, ineffectual, neurotic paranoia sense.

Come on, it'll be fun. Here's one idea:

Alarmism:

The Justice department has set a precedent by requesting that Google divulge some of its retained data for a study on pornography.

The Patriot Act has set a precedent of mining seemingly safe data to identify possibly dangerous individuals by their actions.

Conspiracy Theory:

In a worst case scenario, it could be but a matter of time until these two precedents meet in an Orwellian orgy of civil rights violations.

SO,

To prepare for the possible, hopefully unlikely event that Google data is mined for Orwellian, Patriot Act purposes, we must create a data glut. We have to start making t-word incriminating searches from as many different IP addresses as possible. That way, when older sibling filters for dangerous searches, it will come up with enough dead ends that their scheme will be a failure.

At the very least, it will give us that fun, subversive rush that we shit-disturbing adolescent f*cks thrive on.

So, ladies and gentlemen, start using your computer, public computers, school computers, friends' computers, and anything else you can get your hand on to make searches like "sarin+gas+recipe", "NYC+water+supply", "due+process+guantanamo+bay", and "American Civil Liberties Union".


Man, I'm going to be a trendsetter among people with a tenuous grasp on reality, paranoia, and chronic boredom.